Granted, but the bottle is empty

 

I wish for a TV in my room

Granted but it's a 3" handheld.

 

I wish for... well I already have a cold beer in my hand and TV in my room, I'll save this one for later.

i wish it was the weekend already

To that I answer

 

Bud you have broken the cycle! Now I have no wish to corrupt!!!

 

Oh what the hell! I wish Bud hadn't broken the cycle.

Granted, but now he's wished you were in horrible agony every moment of your life.

 

I wish LOTRII would install faster and play even better.

Granted that with proper performance improvements, you become addicted and have no functional life outside of gaming.

 

I wish Tufo to horrible agony in every moment of his coming life, through the battle against video game addiction, through his alcoholism, and to know Bud will always harass him.

Granted, but he just becomes sxyzophrenic, so that only the Tofu personality suffers, while the new Tophu personality, the dominant one, is just fine and lives a happy, fulfilling life.

 

I wish Budious was obsessed with flowers, aspects of nature, and tiny things that can't hurt anyone and are considered "cute."

Granted, and he is now a tree-hugging hippy!!!

 

I wish I owned a submarine...

Granted, but it can't go in the water as it's hydrophobic and will also flood.

 

I wish I could slow down time and my whim

Granted- but you can't speed it back up again.

 

I wish I controlled time!

Granted, but you get power hungry and send the Earth into a time vortex where giant ants rule the world and ride on gigantic armadillos.

 

I wish I had a Long Island Iced Tea...

Granted, but you ask for it with dyslexia, and so are given a Long Island Iced Eat.

 

I wish we were in a time vortex where giant ants rule the world and ride on gigantic armadillos.

Granted, but guess who their love slave is....

 

I wish I had a dual penii setup.

Granted, but neither one works, for EITHER intended purpose.

 

I wish I had all the right answers.

Granted, but they're for all the wrong questions.

 

 

I wish I owned a submarine...

 

Granted, but it can't go in the water as it's hydrophobic and will also flood.

So it's a Land Sub?

 

 

I wish RA Salvatore would write his Dark Elf books faster.

Granted, but every publisher in the world tells him to stick them where the sun doesn't shine.

 

I wish the human race was actually half-way intelligent.

Granted, but then the planet would be so successful and flourishing that it would attract the attention of a race of intergalactic Sasquatch (some of which are already hiding in the forests of the world, reporting back to the mother planet) who would return to Earth and enslave humanity.

 

I wish I built and owned my own themepark named Bobo Land...

Granted: Disney aquires it almost instantly and turns it into a giant Little Mermaid-based themepark, giving you no rights, and suing you for the land rather than paying for it.

 

I wish I had an angel for one moment of love. I wish I had your angel, your Virgin Mary Undone. (Those who know the song should be laughing right now. The rest of you should be going "WTF?")

Granted. But you are never allowed to listen to the pure awesomeness of that band ever again.

 

I wish I had a soul. Tofus', to be exact.

Granted but... well c'mon it's Tofu's soul.

 

I wish I had time to learn how Linux works.

Granted, but Linux takes over your system and uses it as a base to take over the world.

 

I wish that i didn't make this wish.

Granted, but it's still granted.

 

I wish Ton Phanan didn't die in Iron Fist.

Granted. But now you have to read abotu him falling deeper and deeper into depression over the years and he loses more and more of his body, until he finally takes his own life by yanking out his own feeding tube.

 

 

I wish upon a star.

Granted

I've wanted to be able to do that for a while, now. My unvoiced wish came true, and totally uncorrupted.

 

I wish Communists and Republicans both had to wear red, just for the fun of it.

Granted, but Hillary has to join in the fun of it and wears a hat over her fugly face.

 

I wish that the US was capable of winning a war. We can pound you in the ground but I am unconvinced with have ever won anything (maybe except Japan, they have their whole sex crazed techno culture to thank us for)

Granted but the US can't win the occupations after the wars.

 

I wish I could type large ammounts of story without music being required.