Stupid Misc. Trivia & Sayings

[SOCL]

Here is a thread that will be refreshing for those of us with stressful lives. Here, we are to post little snippets of fun that will make us laugh. Well, here's a an example or so...and please don't close this thread done, O Honored Moderators and Administrators!

 

Two examples:

"If a fly had no wings, would it be called a walk?"

"Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways?"

 

Come now, post!

[SOCL]

Sad I have to add the first reply...maybe the idea for this thread wasn't a great one...

 

 

...

 

 

...oh well.

 

 

"Does everything taste like chicken, or does chicken taste like everything?"

[Guest Scathane]

Okay, here's one (not for laughs but food for thought):

 

Three guys ask for the bill in a bar after a few beers and it turns out they have to pay an amount of $26. They all hand the bartender a 10 dollar note, so he receives $30. Of course, the bartender finds it's hard to pay each of the three gentlemen an equal amount of change, since the change is $4. The guys themselves come up with the solution.

"Just give us 1 dollar each. You can keep the remaining dollar as a tip."

Problem solved, you would think... Then contemplate this:

 

The guys each paid $9 (they paid 10 and each got $1 back): 3 x $9 = $27; the guys each got $1 in change: 3 x $1 = $3; $27 + $3 = $30, so where did the $1 dollar the bartender got come from?

[R2-Opus2]

I had a list a long time ago of stupid sayings on them, but the only one that I can remember was..."All things being equal, fat people use more soap."

[SOCL]

Three guys ask for the bill in a bar after a few beers and it turns out they have to pay an amount of $26. They all hand the bartender a 10 dollar note, so he receives $30. Of course, the bartender finds it's hard to pay each of the three gentlemen an equal amount of change, since the change is $4. The guys themselves come up with the solution.

"Just give us 1 dollar each. You can keep the remaining dollar as a tip."

Problem solved, you would think... Then contemplate this:

 

The guys each paid $9 (they paid 10 and each got $1 back): 3 x $9 = $27; the guys each got $1 in change: 3 x $1 = $3; $27 + $3 = $30, so where did the $1 dollar the bartender got come from?

 

 

Well, Sctah, after thinking it through (and some after getting some help) I figured it out. As it turns out 3x$9 is $27, but the tab was only $26...that is where the extra dollar came from.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have a joke today:

"A guy goes into a bar and orders some things to drink. At the end of the night he $10. The bartender tells him to pay up, but he tells the bartender, "I bet you the ten that I can bite my right eye." The bartender laughs and agrees. So the guy takes out his false right eye, puts it in his mouth, and lightly bites it...the bartender pays the $10 and the guy leaves.

 

The next evening, the guy returns and has some more to drink. At the end of the night he owes $15. The bartender tells him to pay up, but once again the guy has a different idea. He tells the bartender, "I bet you the fifteen that I can bite my other eye." The bartender thinks about it for a moment, then snaps in the guy's face. The guy flinches, so the bartender is sure the guy isn't blind. The bartender nods in agreement, so the guy takes out his false teeth and bites his left eye...the bartender pays the $15 and the guy leaves.

 

The next evening, the gu once again returns and has some more to drink. At the end of the night he once again owes $15. The bartender approaches the guy and says, "Okay, no games this time, pay up."

The guy responds, "Whoa, hold on a sec, bud, I've got a a better idea."

The bartender rolls his eyes, but listens.

The guy looks at a few shotglasses and says, "You slide those pretty quick across the bar, right?"

The bartender looks at the shotglasses, then back at the guy. "Yeah."

"Well, I bet you my the fifteen, plus the $10 and $15 from the other two nights that I can piss in one of those shotglasses as you slide it down the bar at full speed."

The bartender tries not laugh, but agrees.

So the guy gets up on bar, unzips. The bartender flings the shotglass across the bar and, of course, the guy ends up pissing all over the bar. The bartender laughs and cleans the bar up, while the guy pays him the $40. Before the guy leaves, though, the bartender asks him, "Hey, you knew you were going to lose that. Why did you try it?"

The guy grins and points to a group of less-than-happy looking guys sitting a table in the back. "You see those guys back there? I bet them $200 that I could piss all over your bar and you would laugh about it."

[Trejiuvanat]

Someone posted this a while ago. But the link also contain 131 extra things I'd do if I were an Evil Overlord.

[the_mask]

Ah, that nice list again

I think Stratus or Stormfront posted it once.

 

I knew the joke from Desperado already, but it was a bit shorter there.

 

Ok, here's another philosophical classic (slightly modified ):

If you were sitting on a tree eating grubs, farted and nobody would've heard it: would it still smell ?

 

Think about it

[Trejiuvanat]

"I bet you the ten that I can bite my right eye." The bartender laughs and agrees. So the guy takes out his false right eye, puts it in his mouth, and lightly bites it...the bartender pays the $10 and the guy leaves.

 

I know a guy who actually did that.

[ElvisMiggell]

"All people have photographic memory, most people just don't have film"

"Eagles may soar, but weasals don't get sucked into jet engines"

"What happens if i get scared half to death...twice?"

[SOCL]

I know a guy who actually did that.

 

 

 

"More airplanes crash into the ocean than submarines crash into the sky."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have another OK joke, but it's lengthy (like the last one)...I'll post it next time....

[Trejiuvanat]

I received this as part of an e-mail forward. I translated them into english.

 

It's impossible to lick your own ellbow
Coke originally was green
It's possible to make a cow walk up stairs, but it's impossible to make her walk down
The sound a duck makes (Kwak-Kwak) doesn't make any echo, and no one knows why.
111111111 x 111111111 =12345678987654321
It's impossible to sneeze with open eyes.
The word "cementery" is derived from the Greek word koimetirion, that means Bedroom.
.
.
.
.
.
80% percent of those that read this, will try to lick their ellbows.

[the_mask]

It's impossible to lick your own ellbow
The sound a duck makes (Kwak-Kwak) doesn't make any echo, and no one knows why.
111111111 x 111111111 =12345678987654321
It's impossible to sneeze with open eyes.
.
.
80% percent of those that read this, will try to lick their ellbows.

1) Damn, I'm missing only 5 centimeters, that's not fair

Also, I have to wipe my arm now....

2) Maybe because the low resonance waves that quite low sound creates ?

3) 1234567899 * 10 to the power of 16 on my calculator, but that's just a by-the-thumb estimation

4) Umm, sorry, but I can

[SOCL]

IIt's impossible to lick your own ellbow

I was about to comment on this...but then:

80% percent of those that read this' date=' will try to lick their ellbows.[/quote']Well...let's just say I laughed...then:

 

That's pretty interesting, though, Trej.

 

 

 

I have question: What the hell is Methylchloroisothiazolinone and Methylisothiazolinone? I read them on the back of a bottle of lotion while shaving and I'm sure they're quite harmless...but...it sounds...well...read it for yourself!

 

 

Never mind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...9...

[Trejiuvanat]

Better not try to figure out all the weird-sounding chemicals in the back of lotions, shampoos, etc.... Much less try to properly pronounce one... They are the kind of stuff they used to make ads here in Costa Rica. There was one of a detergent, where a guy from an university would appear talking about the wonderful properties of the tetracetatoetilendiamino and how clean your clothes would be after using the product...

[SOCL]

Better not try to figure out all the weird-sounding chemicals in the back of lotions, shampoos, etc.... Much less try to properly pronounce one... They are the kind of stuff they used to make ads here in Costa Rica. There was one of a detergent, where a guy from an university would appear talking about the wonderful properties of the tetracetatoetilendiamino and how clean your clothes would be after using the product...

The horror...the terror...of Costa Rican commericals...

 

cringe-twitch

 

...

 

...I guess Costa Rican commericals really suck, ehh, Trej?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...2...

[Guest Scathane]

I had a similar bar experience recently. Just last Friday night, I walked into this bar to have a beer. Upon taking my first sip of a well-deserved Heineken, I noticed there was a horse sitting at the bar with a large bucket in front of it, filled to the brim with euros. I asked the bartender about this strange phenomenon.

"Well, it's fairly easy," said the bartender, "if you can get the horse to laugh, the bucket of euros is yours."

I told the bartender I thought I could oblige but that I had to take the horse outside for a minute. The bartender said this was okay, as long as it wouldn't take too long.

So, I took the horse outside for about 1 minute and upon re-entering the bar, it was lauging its head off. Naturally, I took home the bucket of euros.

 

The next night, on Saturday, I visited the same bar and again the horse was there with a new bucket filled to the brim with euros. I asked the bartender whether I should make it laugh again in order to win the bucket of euros.

"No," he said, "this time you have to make it cry."

Again, I said I thought I could comply by taking the horse outside for a minute. Upon re-entering the bar, the horse was reduced to a sobbing heap.

Upon collecting the bucket with euros, the bartender said: "I guess it's well-deserved, friend, but I would sure like to know how you pulled it off both times."

"That's easy," I said, "the first time I told the horse my dick was bigger than his. The second time I showed him."

[Trejiuvanat]

 

...I guess Costa Rican commericals really suck, ehh, Trej?

 

In my opinion commercials from around the world suck... With some very...very few exceptions, there are even worse commercials...

[the_mask]

I have question: What the hell is Methylchloroisothiazolinone and Methylisothiazolinone? I read them on the back of a bottle of lotion while shaving and I'm sure they're quite harmless...but...it sounds...well...read it for yourself!

Ok, I asked a buddy 'o mine, who's working on being a doctor of chemistry. From the page of explanations he copied from somewhere, I gather that this stuff is for conservation, so your lotion will smell as fresh as the first day when you opened it.

[SOCL]

Yes, I've heard that one before, Scath, but it's funny every time! Only one question: You only noticed the horse after you took your first sip of beer? Either, A) You are blind, or B) You can't hold your alcohol.

 

In my opinion commercials from around the world suck... With some very...very few exceptions, there are even worse commercials...

Have you ever seen the Discovery Channel commericals?...

 

Ok, I asked a buddy 'o mine, who's working on being a doctor of chemistry. From the page of explanations he copied from somewhere, I gather that this stuff is for conservation, so your lotion will smell as fresh as the first day when you opened it.

Ooo, excellent!

[Trejiuvanat]

 

In my opinion commercials from around the world suck... With some very...very few exceptions, there are even worse commercials...

Have you ever seen the Discovery Channel commericals?...

 

I try to avoid them...

[Guest Scathane]

A) You are blind

No, merely short sighted: -2.00 on the left and -2.50 on the right. Nonetheless, it might be nice to mention that my sight, when corrected properly by lenses or glasses, is in the top 5% (the hundred percent including those people who don't have a visual 'impairment').

 

B) You can't hold your alcohol.

I invite anyone who says this kind of thing to a drinking contest... unless they're A) Scottish, or B) Irish.

[SOCL]

A) You are blind

No, merely short sighted: -2.00 on the left and -2.50 on the right. Nonetheless, it might be nice to mention that my sight, when corrected properly by lenses or glasses, is in the top 5% (the hundred percent including those people who don't have a visual 'impairment').

I was just joking, my friend.

 

B) You can't hold your alcohol.

I invite anyone who says this kind of thing to a drinking contest... unless they're A) Scottish, or B) Irish.

or C) me.

[Guest Scathane]

or C) me.

Now you're joking!

[SOCL]

or C) me.

Now you're joking!

`Think so, ehh? Well...you're probably right.

 

[TK421]

or me

 

There do are some good commercials... Scathane, you must agree that some of the Amstel commercials are cool, just like the first Danoontje commercial? (by the way, my oldernephew designed this Danoontje campaign and IS the man with the glasses!)