AdmiralToguroAni Posted July 12, 2005 Share Posted July 12, 2005 Scene: The Gencore Level 1 shield generator that emits its relatively mighty shield over the city-planet, protecting Palpy. Two rebel infiltrators have snuck into the shield complex disguised as tourists, and have tricked the tour guide/stormtrooper TK-1337 into revealing the control panel.... TK-1337: "Yep. Its a marvel of modern science. Everything about this shield is controlled by the circuits in that teeny tiny control panel. If someone were to pry open that safety guard, then the whole shield could be taken down with one shot! That's one of the major reasons why you aren't allowed to touch it!" Tourist: "Zo I see. Ees it just me or haff ve lost dhe rest uff dhe group?" TK-1337: "Hey you're right! I need to go back and get them! They probably got lost in the gift shop! You two stay right here and DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!" Female tourist: "Roger roger." TK-1337 runs back to get the tourists before they spend all their hard-earned credits on Gencore Level 1 toothpaste (shields you from cavities!)or LNR Series 1 squirt guns (helps if you're ever bombarded by water balloons). Meanwhile the rebel infiltrators eye the metal safety guard covering the Gencore's vital wires.... Female tourist/terrorist: "Is it just me or do those Stormies get more and more stupid every mission?" Male tourist/terrorist: "Muzt be in-cloning." Female tourist/terrorist: "Oh well. Get the thermal detonator ready while I open this hatch. Let's blow this thing and go home." the female terrorist gently opens the hatch as her partner hands her the thermal detonator...... Shortly, TK-1337 and the rest of the group enter the room and look down at the smoldering rebel corpses. TK-1337: "The OTHER reason you shouldn't touch the control panel is the high-voltage defense current that runs through the panel at all time--a surge enough to deactivate a thermal detonator....and you. Suckers." The crowd gapes in shock and awe as TK-1337 throws the rebels down the nearby garbage chute. He stops and sees that a mysterious data disk fell out of the infiltrator's pocket. He looks at it then silently puts it in his pocket. TK-1337: "Sorry about that folks! We're going to take a quick break for lunch right now. The GenCafÃ© has some good fried foods, I hear." TK-1337 leads the remaining group down to lunch, but most find their appetite has been ruined. Meanwhile......inside the Imperial palace we find Vader and Palpatine in the bathroom by the sinks. Palpatine is washing his eyes out with soap and is acting very angry. Palpy: "Thanks a lot, Vader. "Order 69" indeed! I've just now seen something that I'll never be able to purge from my brain! I swear, you're going to be the death of me." Vader: "Don't say that, Master. You're like a great-great-great grandfather to me. I don't want to cause you any pain." Palpy: "I'm not exactly sure how to take that. Anyway, I've finished cleansing my eyes of that horrible image. Why don't you do the same, my young apprentice?" Vader turns on the sink and splashes some water on his helmet. Electric sparks start to fly from his head and he stumbles back Palpy: "Heeheheee! Gotcha!" Palpy runs out of the bathroom laughing wickedly Vader stumbles back a little and throws his arms out Vader: "he tricked me again! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Palpy runs out and turns a corner, slamming into a balding scientist. Palpy: "Who the heck are you?" Scientist: "I'm Bevel Lemelisk! Vader Recruited me on his last mission!" Palpy: "Okay....and what do you do?" Bevel: "I designed the Death Star!" Palpy: "No you didn't. The Geonosians did, remember?" Bevel: "Those Grasshoppers did NOT Design the Death Star! They use SOUND guns for crying out loud! I designed it! I have the plans right here in my pocket! Look! Look! They even say "Original Death Star Plans, signed by Emperor Palpatine!" it has YOUR signature on it!!" Bevel holds up the plans and shows them to Palpy Palpy: "Nope. I dont see any plans in your hand. All I see is a scientist that I'm going to stuff in one of my super shipyards until he churns out a Super Star Destroyer." and with that, two Imperial guards take away our continuity-troubled friend to work on R&D for the rest of his life. Palpy sits in his chair and relaxes. Just then, Grammel runs in Grammel: "Emperor Palpatine! Emperor Palpatine, are you here?" Palpy: "No. I'm not here." Grammel: "EMPEROR PALPATIIIIIIIIIINE! Where are you?! Are you here?!" Palpy: "(sigh) Yes, Grammel. I'm here. What do you need?" Grammel: "We routed the rebels on Byss, Emperor Palpatine. Our Carrack Cruiser was more than a match for their 5 bulk cruisers! It will only be a matter of time before we have complete control of the Farfin sector!" Palpy: "Excellent! How many diplomats do we have in that sector?" Grammel: "Er, none sir." Palpy: "Okay. How many units of troops?" Grammel: "Er, none..sir." Palpy: "Then how about explaining how you were going to go about taking over the Farfin sector?" Grammel: "I would go on Diplomacy missions and sway them to our cause, Emperor Palpatine!" Palpy: "....Yeah. You go do that, Mr. 0 Diplomacy. I can see it now..."Natives of Byss! Natives of Byss! Are you HERE?"" Grammel: "Yes sir, Emperor Palpatine! I'll do that right away!" Grammel runs out. Shortly, a sparking Darth Vader enters with a man in white armor. Vader: "Master, I have detected that Noval Garaint can use the Force. We should consider allowing me to conduct a Jedi Training mission." Palpy: "Noval who? He looks like Commander Cody to me." Noval Garaint: "...I wish I was Boba Fett. People would stop replacing my card if I was Boba Fett." Palpy: "What was that?" Noval Garaint: "Nothing, sir. (I bet he wishes I was Boba Fett, too)" Palpy: "Vader, I am most displeased. First you bring me a scientist who thinks that he built the Death Star, and now you bring me a guy who looks like he got some Wal-Mart brand clonetrooper armor and has a serious case of Fettishism." Vader: "At least I didnt recruit Grammel" Palpy: "TouchÃ©. Go train him. I'll have Ozzel take command of the fleets while you are away." Vader: "What?! Not Ozzel! He always drops out of hyperspace too close! Remember what happened last time he was in command of our Coruscant defense fleet?" FLASHBACK TO CORUSCANT, 2 YEARS AGO Vader and Palpatine are relaxing on a couch, watching Ewok Adventures. Palpatine: "I love Ewoks. They're so cuuute! Lets build our next Death Star over Endor so I can watch them from my throne Chambers." Vader: "But they could cause trouble for our defense Garrison." Palpy: "Oh sure. I'm SURE the rebels will recruit them and blow up the shield generator. Sure. AND they'll wipe out our fleet while they're at it, I'll bet. Speaking of which, I put Ozzel in charge of our fleet while we're watching TV." Suddenly, the front end of an Imperial Star destroyer appears in the middle of the room, ripping a hole in the wall. Ozzel pops out of it and looks around. Palpy: "WHAT THE HECK?! THAT WAS A NEW WALL!" Ozzel: "Sorry, M'lord. I guess I must have jumped out of hyperspace too close to the planet." Vader (looking at the smoking hole in the wall and the Imperial Star Destroyer backing up, making a beeping noise): Good guess. PRESENT TIME Palpy: "Ooops. Oh well. Maybe he's learned by now." CRASH! Palpy is thrown forward as an Imperial Star Destroyer rams wall behind his throne. Ozzel steps out. Ozzel: "Sorry m'lord!" Will Grammel succeed in winning the Farfin sector to the Imperial side? What did TK-1337 find on the infiltrator? Will Vader get revenge on Palpy? Will Ozzel learn how to drive? Find out all this and more on the next potentially enjoyable installment of Star Wars: Life in the war! Count Dooku is the strongest Star Wars character as depicted in the movies. All hail Christopher Lee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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