General Favourite quotes

[BadSamaritan]

Oh yes, and My quote....

 

"Of course I know what Im doing. I was in the military for thirty years, in demolitions. I know how to defuse a bomb!"

 

"Alright boss, if you say so."

 

"Good. Now, ummmmm...... where is the alarm clock on this thing?"

[SOCL]

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. If you don't succeed again, then you just wasted a whole lot of time trying to do something you couldn't." -Stink's dad (Hey Arnold)

[the_mask]

No I don't... But considering she's your family, her being bitten by a moose doesn't surprise me in the least...

* sigh *

Scath, you did notice, that this thread is about "quotes", right ?

 

Well, a hint (which probably tells too much anyway) would be, that the group, who made this movie had something with snakes in their name.

[AdmiralFishface]

Heh.

"A Møøse once bit my sister...No realli! She was Karving her initials on the møøse

with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given

her by Svenge - her brother-in-law - an Oslo dentist and

star of many Norwegian møvies: "The Høt Hands of an Oslo

Dentist", "Fillings of Passion", "The Huge Mølars of Horst

Nordfink"..."

 

Chew on this then...

 

Doctor: Mr. Bertenshaw?

Mr. B: Me, Doctor.

Doctor: No, me doctor, you Mr. Bertenshaw.

Mr. B: My wife, doctor...

Doctor: No, your wife patient.

Sister: Come with me, please.

Mr. B: Me, Sister?

Doctor: No, she Sister, me doctor, you Mr. Bertenshaw.

Nurse: Dr. Walters?

Doctor: Me, nurse...You Mr. Bertenshaw, she Sister, you doctor.

Sister: No, doctor.

Doctor: No doctor: call ambulance, keep warm.

Nurse: Drink, doctor?

Doctor: Drink doctor, eat Sister, cook Mr. Bertenshaw, nurse me!

Nurse: You, doctor?

Doctor: ME doctor!! You Mr. Bertenshaw. She Sister!

Mr. B: But my wife, nurse...

Doctor: Your wife not nurse. She nurse, your wife patient. Be patient,

she nurse your wife. Me doctor, you tent, you tree, you Tarzan, me

Jane, you Trent, you Trillo...me doctor!

[Mad78]

An Ambassador or the english in the embassy in china which is going to be evacuated since its 1944

 

Telephone: Ring Ring

Ambassador: Hello

"Security here"

"Good! So how are things going?"

"Well Sir, I have soldiers on the roof, a tank garding the entery, a plane squadron patrolling the sky and I have mined the hole area around me.

"Good. Now where are you?"

"A phone box in East London."

 

 

 

 

The Ambassador then tells his chinese servant that he is leaving

"But Zir, can't me and my brother, Jim Wong, with you?"

"Sorry Wong only british people are allowed on the plane."

"But Sir we cvan pretend we are english."

"No no Wong... You know very well Two Wongs don't make a right!"

[Jahled]

He he M78!

 

My personal favorite quote:

 

 

FIDO

 

F**k it, drive on!

 

-British Army

[BadSamaritan]

Best military quotes of all time:

 

"I would rather have a panzer division at my rear, than a french division at my flank"

 

~ Patton

 

"They have weapons? Meaning they can fight back? Quick, surrender before they hurt us!"

 

~ Every french commander in history

[dinochick]

"Our reason has driven all away. Alone at last, we end up by ruling over a desert." ~ A. Camus

[the_mask]

Heh.

 

Chew on this then...

 

*snip*

Hmm, dunno. But this somehow reminds me of Leslie Nielsen

 

Dino's quote reminded me of the following:

 

The only constant thing is change

-Muad'dib

 

[AdmiralFishface]

The second thing I wrote was a sketch from Flying Circus. I could have gone and quote Holy Grail, but it's been done so many times before.

[the_mask]

Aww, wait. I think I remember that one faintly.

 

It's been years (~12) though, when I last saw Flying Circus in the original version. About 8 years ago, they showed a dubbed version on Sat1, but I don't know, if that sketch was in it, or if it was still as good after the translation.

[dinochick]

 

The only constant thing is change

-Muad'dib

 

 

Me likes.... (or would it be )

[Mad78]

The Following is a quote of one of Tony Hancock's sketches. In it he is one of the characters in a a radio show about a family of farmers. He has the tendancdy to improvise which angers the producers who finally have his character, Joshua,fall in threshing machine.

But after the BBC public gets furious he is asked to come back as Joshua's twin brother. He accepts on the condition that he writes all the scripts.

 

An unknowen character: Why hi Joshua. How are you?

Hancock: Hello my old matie, my friend. How are you?

AUC: He look over there. It looks like the hole village coming through that field.

Hancock:Core Blimey they shouldn't be doing that

The whole village: Aaaahhhh

Hancock: Oh they have all fallen down that disused mining shaft.

 

You see he got his revenge

Here is another quote from some other comedians

"General Rommel! General Rommel where are you?"

"Was ist los?"

"The british have brocken our line."

"Curse! All our washing in the mud again."

[SOCL]

Best military quotes of all time:

 

"I would rather have a panzer division at my rear, than a french division at my flank"

 

~ Patton

 

"They have weapons? Meaning they can fight back? Quick, surrender before they hurt us!"

 

~ Every french commander in history

More Bush Americanism.

 

"...you can keep your dead giraffe and swine, I'll take dead baboons any time." -Tim Cavanow, 99 Dead Baboons

[the_mask]

-80 ... better put the champagne in the fridge

 

Me likes.... (or would it be )

Well, either way: it won't last long

 

Gotta love paradoxes

[BadSamaritan]

More Bush Americanism.

 

No, german americanism. I have every right to bash on the french.

[the_mask]

* yawn *

 

objection, doesn't make sense. Why would Germans not rather have had their own Panzers at their rear ?

 

Also, how this should be what you call "German Americanism" is anyone's guess, but then again I find politics boring and don't think it's worthwhile to spend time with debating about that

[Mad78]

"Capitalism is the exploitation of one person by another. Communism is the opposite."

This was a communist slogan. And i did not think this up!

[BadSamaritan]

* yawn *

 

objection, doesn't make sense. Why would Germans not rather have had their own Panzers at their rear ?

 

Patton was an american general, thats why.

[the_mask]

I know, WWII fills up about 70% of history lessons in Germany. But since you wrote 'german americanism' that implied that this was something, that Germans would've said, if my logic isn't impaired by the late hours and lack of caffeine.

[BadSamaritan]

Ah, you are forgiven then.

[Trejiuvanat]

Actor 1: "We should not get in trouble with the U.S, after all they have propelled our current democracy!"

Actor 2:"And all of our past dictatorships."

Out of a Sketch by Les Luthiers - Argentinian Music-Comedian Group.

 

"The government only robs six people: I, You, He/She, We, You, They."

Costa Rican graffiti.

 

"Mr President, what is your point of view on the current crisis?"

"Me, dear lady, have no idea about that. Instead I will keep dancing."

The President to a reporter during the Afro-Caribbean festivities.

 

"If it quaks like a duck, it looks like a duck and ir behaves like a duck. I'm a psychiathrist not a veterinarian, but I'd say that is a duck."

The Costa Rican president trying to explain something.

 

"This days, with all our technology, I do not believe it is necessary for me to go back to Costa Rica to declare. Instead I believe we could arrange with the Prosecutor for me to declare via Teleconference."

Costa Rican expresident, after being accused of illicit enrichement. He still has not returned to Costa Rica.

[AdmiralFishface]

Something completely unrelated and utterly senseless:

 

Frog: This is the stairway to heaven. You know that, don't you?

Spike Spiegel (rather stoned): Obnoxious little frog.

-- Cowboy Bebop

[the_mask]

Ah, now here I have something, that I found on my latest aquisition, the special edition dvd of Monty Python's the meaning of life.

Eric Idle gives this short poem as in introductionary speech.

 

Because there might be younger members reading this as well, I left out the words, that could be found offensive. If you have trouble figuring out these missing words, ask one of them younger members, they'll tell you what fits into the gaps

 

There's everything in this movie,

Everything that fits.

From the meaning of life in the universe,

To girls with great big t... .

 

We've got movie stars and foreign cars,

Explosions and the lot

Filmed as only we know how,

On the budget that we've got.

 

We spent a fortune on locations

And quite a bit on drink

And there's ever the odd philosophical joke,

Just to make you buggers think.

 

Yet some parts are as serious

And as deep as you could wish

But largely it's all t... and a..

And quite a bit of fish.

 

Other bits are fairly childish

And some are frankly rude

But at least we've got a lot of nice girls

All banging around in the n... .

 

So take your seats, enjoy yourselves

And let's just hope it's funny

Because it's not only done to make you laugh

But to make us lots of money.

 

So sit back and have a good time

With your boyfriend or your wife

Relax and just enjoy yourself

For this is the meaning of life

 

 

What else can I say, except: this is sooo deep

 

[Paul]

My favorite quote of all time : Death solves everything. No man no problem. -Josef Stalin

Also: Isn't it wonderful for leaders that people are stupid.-Adolf Hitler

I find your lack of faith disturbing.-Darth Vader in Star Wars

I love the smell of napalm in the morning.-Apocalypse Now

 

And of course:

Three rings for the elven kings under the sky.

Seven for the dwarf lords in their halls of stone.

Nine for mortal men doomed to die.

One for the dark lord on his dark throne,

In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie.

One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them.

One ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.

In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie. - The Lord Of the Rings

-Grand Moff Conway

Edited November 27, 2004 by Paul