My new FanFiction

[kingdark]

The Forum where i originaly update is here

http://www.getphpbb.com/phpbb/viewtopic.php?t=47&mforum=rsa[/color]

But for you guys i will post it in this trhead

I will reread the caracter bios because there are some errors here and there so it will be somewhat diffrent then the original post.

I will post it in the next post then it is better to follow

Edited February 15, 2006 by Cain

[Megajames]

Looking good

Check out mine at: http://pff.swrebellion.com/index.php?topic=2306.0

[kingdark]

Biography about my characters

 

The first episode starts around the time the Atlantis team is fighting the big storm when the genii where able to take the city. Anyhow thats

around the time my episodes start.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bart Dexter,

You have a new E-Mail.

These are the files you asked me. If you want more information about Tom, you know the password. Remember it changes every 12 hours.

 

Colonel Bart.

Age: 28

Bart was a elite-soldier in O'Neil team back in some secret missions.

Note: those missions never happened End Note

 

Bart is a fast middle aged guy. He has trained with every weapon imaginable.

His favorite weapon is a machine gun with 1000 rounds per clip.

He is also an expert with an eagle gun and a 9mm gun.

He has trained with a Staff weapon of the goauld. He is good in hand to hand combat and has some skills in lockpicking as that could come in handy when they are...having problems with a mission and.. are arrested....

Bart is a guy that finds honour really important. He will risk his own life to save that of another, and will never ever leave a man behind. And when that occurs he will do everything in his power to rescue them.

He has a very strange sense of humor but is still very loyal to his friends.

 

John

age:26

John is the scientist in the new stargate team.

He is somewhat the new Doctor Daniels.

Doctor John has studied the language of the ancients, all the strange languages they saw and discovered in the last 9 seasons.

The American government has a developed a special laptop that can witstand all sorts of weather and is specialy developed by the best computer companies possible. Its even upgraded with ancient technology and that of their allies.

He can learn a new language with a few weeks.

John doesn't have any military history but has an excellent condition and is extremely fast. But he has a natural feeling for using a small modified eagle.

 

Tom

Age:24

Not much is known of Tom.

He just Appeared on 1 of the missions and has proved his loyalty to stargate command.

He refuses to talk about his past, and we did our best to discover from where he is but was not succesfull.

He is a very loyal person, and he has risked his life on more then one ocasion.

His favorite weapon is the standard machine gun.

 

Jane

Age:27.

Jane is a medic.

Jane is a human that has a special ability. More later. We think she is a step further in evolution then the humans on earth.

She can heal wounds with here energy. She cannot control it very well and thats why she has studied medice as soon as we discovered her. that was 4 years ago. She is also trained in handling weapons.

We also discovered she has a natural gift when she is working with computers. She can hack into our most protected systems.

Her favorite is a silenced modified gun. It is as powerfull as a sniper rifle.

But as small as a 9mm. She also can repair any damage on engines or anything that requires a engine.

And finaly when on the field, in a forrest or anything like that, she can blend herself in the forest; if she do not wants to be discovered you wont find her...easely

 

These are the people you will work with from now on.

General Jack O'Neil

[kingdark]

Prologue

--------------

General Jack O’Neil was drinking his favourite beer while reading some reports of teams that came back from of-world.

He really missed the action...

He just finished his rapport, of the members of the new stargate team to a new colonel: Bart.

Bart and himself had a history... But he thought this is not the time to think about that!

 

The old StarGate team wasn’t together anymore. Carter was researching the new discovered site on

Atlantica.

Teal'c had gained a important position in their new nation. And Daniel... Well Daniel did what he always did... Boring stuff! But that was only the opinion of himself.

Other people said that he did important stuff.

He looked at his watch and it apeared to be 3 in the morning... He thought: I better get some sleep...

-*-*-*-*-

 

Somewhere else, where none of the StarGate teams where ever been, there was starting a meeting.

It was a dark room. Just big enough to allow the meeting.

They also had special devices that modified their voices...

 

A voice sounded trough the room, and from the sounds of it he was a sub-commander.

The sub-commander said: it is confirmed sir, This earth is our next target.

They have stopped our plans, altough they are not aware of this.

Our first priority should be a outpost, they have.

I am not sure where they are, but the best method is to discover where they are and then attack them.

This will give us an advantage in information. We loot there entire base, take prisoners if they are still left alife and then question them.

 

Another voice answerd: They have informed me that there are some... problems with our military?

 

The sub-commander answered: The deserters are strangely enough normaly vey loyal troops. They must have discovered some of our plans...

And that is not the bad part. The bad part is that the troops that have deserted are all elite-troops.

 

The second voice, aparantly a commander asked: how could they escape the planet, they where stationed on?

 

The sub-commander answered swiftly:

20 infantrie divisions attacked the area where the stargate is, and overwhelmed the guards.

They where not killed. This confirmes my suspicion, they do not wish to fight us.

Because they where not awake when they punched in the stargate, we do not know where they went.

This is the complete list of troops who are missing:

Space Troops:

1 capital ship, 5 anti-fighter cruisers, 4 patrol ships and 1 of our Clasified ships...

80 Fighters divided into Anti-Fighter and Bombers.

Ground troops:

30 Infantrie divisions are missing

25 Rocket Soldiers are missing.

5 Squads of Snipers and Infiltrators are missing (10 divisions in total)

10 squads of heavy tanks are missing

And finaly: there is 1 base that isnt responding. So we suspect, they either are working together, or tey have been overrun.

All these troops are commanded by Capitain Luke Walker........

We suspect that he is the leader in this little rebellion, but we should be able to track them down pretty quik.

I have trained Luke said someone and if he does not want to be found there is no way you can find him!

His soldiers are very loyal to him, and they would die trying to protect him!

He contineud: I have no idea what their objectives are.

 

1 person said: I am still worried about the deserters…

They could cause...unwanted problems.

 

Send our special division to take care of them, do you got that?

The sub-commander, who clearly had his plans to take care of the desserters answerd: i have proven myself....'sir'. you shouldnt worry about that too much.

 

The third person who had said something that evening, was clearly a scientist.

He said:

Our research, is finaly in its final stage!

2 days ago the first 100 of my clones has been produced. They are learning very fast, and are taking care of there jobs with accuracy.

They have been programmed to adept to any situation and have the ability to send their experience to the others.

If 1 clone has been killed by a blast, the other will recognize the danger and will adept..

If given enough time they will be able to withstand several blasts of the same weapon.

 

There was a flash, and a couple of minutes later:

We have found 1 of the outposts of the earth. General prepare your forces to attack the outpost.

The general, who ha said nothing unti then said: I only need your clearance to attack our target.

The leader said: you have it.

Everyone, you know what to do.

Everybody stood up and quikly left the room trough diffrent doors.

 

Somewhere else Luke walker, looked at his screen. There was a specialy designed console, that allowed him to send orders to ships, infantrie, and heavy tanks.

They had taken this base to group there forces. The defenders, refused to give up so his soldiers where forced to use brute force. Those poor defenders never had a change!

 

a signal flared on his screen and there was a short message.

 

TARGET: OUTPOST OWNED BY EARTH. WICH ONE UNKOWN

TRY AND WARN THEM.

YOUR EX-SUPERIOURS KNOW OF YOU AND ARE PREPARING A COUNTER OFFENSIVE.

CLONE RESEACH COMPLETE

100 CLONES PRODUCED. I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO TURN THEM OFF.

GOOD LUCK....LUKE

Luke whispered this is bad, and he though on a reply... but he could not think of anyhing for hours....

[Megajames]

It' is good, but lacks, um..., some smothness, mayby it could do with some padding out

[kingdark]

I'm not sure i know what you mean... could you give me an example? (i reread the text and edited it along the way)

=edit=

you mean more details? on the conversations? I dont know if you know, but the purpose is to get a excitement feeling when i desribe the scenes in the dark room. i did it on purpose, to leave me a lot of options on who the enemy is. if you got any ideas for the rest... i am a bit out of options for the moment...

i hope i get a idea with a good night of sleep

Edited February 15, 2006 by kingdark

[kingdark]

Episode 2 Part 1

 

Bart yelled at tom: punch in the coordinates, of SGcommand!! Then he returned fire with his favorite gun, against a invisible enemy!

Tom screamed back: give me cover otherwise there is on way i can reach the console!

Bart, used his radio to try and reach Jane or John.

He used his radio and said on trhee: 1... 2.... and then he stood up to give Tom the requested cover. Tom ranned as fast as he could to the console, to punch in the coords of earth.

Finaly the gate opened and he used his personal code to warn stargate command they where coming in hot!

General O'Nei said trough the radio: where standing ready!

Bart looked at the situation, and noticed he could not reach the gate unless Tom gave him cover, and before he was able to say anything a voice sounded trough the radio: Sir, the only way you can get off this planet, is by me giving you some cover so go ahead, I will be right behind you!

Bart noticed that Tom was in a difficult position, but when he screamed: NOW SIR!!!! he stood up started firing and

threw himself in the gate...

Tom who was giving cover, wanted to follow him but noticed that it was useless. The enemy was closing in his position on all fronts, and he used his radio to warn General O'Neil to close the gate when Bart came in.General O'Neil answered: what is going on? He answered:they have surrounded sir, they do not know the coords of earth yet, so please shut down the gate, after the colonel comes in.

There was no respones but instead the gate stopped working.

He hid a small gun in his boot, and a small lockpicking set in his other boot, then he trhew away his weapons, and slowly stood up.

-----------------------------What happened before------------------------------------------------------------------ The first stargate team was walking out of the gate. Finaly they where atending at their first mission! They looked around, and Bart noticed, it was very quiet... He said: ok people lets do this thing, where walking in a vertical small line with Tom at the front, then myself, Jane behind me and John covers the rear.

Tom did not want to admit it, but he sensed something here... He could not lay his finger on it, but he was very cautious.

They walked slowly away from the stargate and John said: acording to our new Fmalph, the abandoned village, was a couple of kilometers in the forest. There where clear signs of battle... The strange part is that there werent any bodies at all. Also acording to the picture the Fmalph took, it seemed to be weapons like us.

(F Malph is a new type of malph that is able to fly. It can get a speed of 50km/hour, and could get a hight of 300 meters. It was armed with a small machine gun, and a camera, backed up with radar . The scientists of earth where also able to construct a very small satelite, who could fit in your hand, to give stargate teams, a map of there area. This satelite was floatin not in space, but it was fired by the malph and could only stay in the air for a maximum of 1 week.Then its fuel was used up and it would be making use of solar-power. The maximum time was a total of 2 weeks.)

The danger Tom felt, was fading a way slowly. But Tom, who was a carefull guy from nature, was still very cautious while they where walking trough the forest.

While they where walking John asked: Colonel, can i view where we are on my laptop? But then we only need a couple of minutes of rest... Bart thought, about it, and he finaly said: fine. Look, i can't explain it, but i sense a danger. It is fading away right now, but i want you all to be carefull.

John, who was accesing his laptop, said: acording to my data there are alot of people now in the village, there is also a large group aproaching from the north where the village is located.

Bart asked: can you zoom in? Give me a minute, John answered swiftly. Bart said verry quietly, everyone assume defending positions. John, closed his laptop, looked around an noticed a big tree. He jumped and was able to reach the top of the tree.

Because these trees where covered in leves, he was pretty much covered completely. I see 3 men coming from the north sir. They do not have firearms.

Fine let them come in this direction but you cover us at all times. Roger that answered John.

The three men, where very close now, and they walked into the direction of the small team. When they where around 5 meters from the team The first 1 said: We know you are there, come out so we can talk decent.

Bart did not answerd and just waited.

The second man said: We expect you dont know our customs so will tell you: When we discover strange men on this planet, we arpraoch them with trhee men. Each of us tries to contact you, and get you to show yourselfs. If we fail, we tell that in our village, and you will be an enemy of our village.

Bart stood up. He did not want to make enemies on his first mission.

The third man said: ok, it seems you people are the smart ones. Come and follow us. oh yhea, you can tell the guy in the trhee he can stop hiding.

Bart said: come out john, we dont want to make enemies on our first mission rigt?

End Of Part 1

[Megajames]

Looking good, you have edited the first and second parts very well

[kingdark]

The second man said: We expect you dont know our customs so will tell you: When we discover strange men on this planet, we arpraoch them with trhee men. Each of us tries to contact you, and get you to show yourselfs. If we fail, we tell that in our village, and you will be an enemy of our village.

Bart stood up. He did not want to make enemies on his first mission.

The third man said: ok, it seems you people are the smart ones. Come and follow us. oh yhea, you can tell the guy in the trhee he can stop hiding.

Bart said: come out john, we dont want to make enemies on our first mission rigt?

End Of Part 1

 

A hour later they where still walking wihtout saying a word, and Bart finaly asked: when are we going to reach your village? we cant go to far away from the gate.

None of the 3 men answered so bart waited a couple of minutes to give them time to anwer.

Finaly said the biggest 1, our villages are moving constantly under the great trheat we are living under.

Bart asked what kind of a trheat?

They are heavely armed people that only have the wish to play the boss agaist everybody. Bart asked: what has that to do with us?

The 3 men stopped, and they looked at him, as if they where trying to find out if he was serious or not... Finaly said one of them: you realy dont know?

Bart was starting to get annoyed but realized that they where a large distant from the gate, so he answered: no, i realy have no idea what you are talking about.

Maybe we had to do this from the beginning, but let me introduce myself: i am bart, my compagnions are, jane,tom and john.

We come from earth and are just peacefull explorers.

1 of the men answered: then why the weapons you are holding? Bart looked at the man and said: if you are going to a planet you never been too before, would you go naked? The man was suprised by that question and said: ofcourse not, you should take light and warm clothes to be sure you have what you need.

Bart answered: our weapons are exactly that. We only use them if we dont have a choice, or if whe are attacked first.

The three men where looking at eachother and where obviously confused about something.

 

Bart asked kindly: what is it you are worried about?

1 of the men said: you should leave, and as fast as you can. Please, we know you speak the truth but if your not hurry you would be forced to use your weapons... And he looked at the other 2 men, we do not want that to happen.

Bart said: are you sure we cant help? The 3 men said we wil guide you back until you are only a couple of kilomters from the gate, when you reach the gate you should fire on everything you see moving.

 

Bart said, look i dont gonna order my men too shoot on innocent people who have done nothing to provoke a attack from our side! Like i said, we only use our weapons if we have to defend ourselves.

Fine, said one of the men, let me explain it clearly then: we are often attacked by people from a kingdom. They call it like that anyway.

But to come to the point, they have controll of this planet, and they are using the people that are....left to capture visitors that are going to come willingly.

Our people has a special gift.. We can... know if you speak the truth yes or no.. and we are of the few that are left.

Bart looked at his small squad and said: why dont you come with us then? We can try and free your people?

The 3 men looked as they had expected this question and said: no, we cannot survive in another world.

Lets go back to the gate and... oh no..; they are on to us... GO NOW!!! They looked at eachother and pulled something from under their;..bodies that looked like a weapon. They said: if you want that your bosses are not going to send people into their death, then get out of here now. Bart said: look, i dont leave people behind, we will fight with you even if your like it or not!

The 3 people looked at eachother agan... And it looked like they where realy said about something. They aimed their weapons on the small team and said: if you dont move we wil shoot you...

[Grand Admiral Thrawn 889]

hey man i'm trying to read it but can you put it on a Word Processor and run it through a Spelling and Grammer check please it's kinda hard to follow but what i read is good.

[kingdark]

That would be acceptable, but could you give me an exemple where i went wrong? i mean i love to better my english skills without the help of a spelling check or the like

[kingdark]

I havent updated in ages but i have new inspiration and i should update on a new chapter soon

[Megajames]

I did a super fast redo

 

An hour later they where still walking without saying a word, and Bart finally asked: when are we going to reach your village? We can’t go to far away from the gate.

None of the 3 men answered so Bart waited a couple of minutes to give them time to answer.

Finally said the biggest 1, our villages are moving constantly under the great threat we are living under.

Bart asked what kind of a threat?

They are heavily armed people that only have the wish to play the boss ageist everybody. Bart asked: what has that to do with us?

The 3 men stopped, and they looked at him, as if they where trying to find out if he was serious or not... Finally said one of them: you really don’t know?

Bart was starting to get annoyed but realized that they where a large distant from the gate, so he answered: no, I really have no idea what you are talking about.

Maybe we had to do this from the beginning, but let me introduce myself: I am Bart, my companions are, Jane, tom and john.

We come from earth and are just peaceful explorers.

1 of the men answered: then why the weapons you are holding? Bart looked at the man and said: if you are going to a planet you never been too before, would you go naked? The man was surprised by that question and said: of course not, you should take light and warm clothes to be sure you have what you need.

Bart answered: our weapons are exactly that. We only use them if we don’t have a choice, or if when are attacked first.

The three men where looking at each other and where obviously confused about something.

 

Bart asked kindly: what is it you are worried about?

1 of the men said: you should leave, and as fast as you can. Please, we know you speak the truth but if your not hurry you would be forced to use your weapons... And he looked at the other 2 men; we do not want that to happen.

Bart said: are you sure we can’t help? The 3 men said we will guide you back until you are only a couple of kilometres from the gate, when you reach the gate you should fire on everything you see moving.

 

Bart said, look I don’t going to order my men too shoot on innocent people who have done nothing to provoke a attack from our side! Like I said, we only use our weapons if we have to defend ourselves.

Fine, said one of the men, let me explain it clearly then: people from a kingdom often attack us. They call it like that anyway.

But to come to the point, they have control of this planet, and they are using the people that are.... left to capture visitors that are going to come willingly.

Our people has a special gift.. We can... know if you speak the truth yes or no.. and we are of the few that are left.

Bart looked at his small squad and said: why don’t you come with us then? We can try and free your people?

The 3 men looked as they had expected this question and said: no, we cannot survive in another world.

Lets go back to the gate and... oh no..; they are on to us... GO NOW!!! They looked at each other and pulled something from under their;..bodies that looked like a weapon. They said: if you want that your bosses are not going to send people into their death, then get out of here now. Bart said: look, I don’t leave people behind, we will fight with you even if your like it or not!

The 3 people looked at each other again... And it looked like they where really said about something. They aimed their weapons on the small team and said: if you don’t move we will shoot you...

[kingdark]

Several Days went by after this incident...