Star Wars: Resurgence of the Sith

[Tyranus_pff]

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

 

STAR WARS

RESURGENCE OF THE SITH

 

It has been five hundred years since the Battle of Endor, the defeat of the Dark Side and the beginning of the NEW REPUBLIC. For generations, peace, justice and prosperity have reigned supreme among the stars. There have been no wars. Democracy is stronger than ever.

 

The Jedi Academy has served as a redundant protection force for the Second Galactic Senate ever since Master LUKE SKYWALKER set the groundwork for the return of the Jedi to their former glory. His descendents, along with the descendents of Senator LEIA ORGANA SOLO, continue to fill prominent roles within society.

 

Unfortunately for the Republic, conflict is once again about to threaten the security of the galaxy. On Tatooine, DARGA THE HUTT continues to surround himself with a corrupting power over the local population of Mos Espa, and in the far corners of space, the Dark Side is massing to a deadly result....

 

*****

 

Prologue:

 

Space is deep. One could take a ship, aim it in any direction and blast between the stars for a regular humanoid lifespan and barely scratch the surface of space exploration. And that was just within this particular galaxy: thinking and visualising the countless galaxies within the universe and considering the trillions upon trillions of star systems within those billions upon billions of galaxies that could support life lead to headache-inducing statistics and a mind-blowing amount culture, art, politics and… well, everything. If one being could live forever, they would probably die before they saw them all, each and every one. The passage of time could not possibly be gracious enough to permit such a venture, which was a great shame. Space was just far too deep.

Thankfully, even the task of mapping one individual galaxy and keeping all the star systems in check, under scrutiny, was difficult enough for any dominant power or police force. As such, the tall elegant figure that stood gazing at the stars in the dead of night, contemplating the infinity of the universe and the notion of exploring every single tiny corner of it, was not being faced with extermination. He was a member of an order, a secretive order that did not want to be discovered by those in power. Because of the vast nature of his insignificant galaxy, he and his brethren remained hidden on a giant ball of rock hurtling through the farthest reaches of charted space. Of course, he could not feel the extreme speeds at which he hurtled: to him, this ball of rock was calm and peaceful as darkness fell across the horizon and the stars up above revealed themselves… those endless stars, such things of beauty. If his order had not managed to brainwash him with their doctrine, and if his family tree did not lead back to a certain figure of certain evil significance, then perhaps he would have worked to preserve those stars and make sure that the multiple cultures were preserved and celebrated. It was such a shame that they would instead be wiped out and replaced with the new order.

The man was well over six feet tall, engulfed in a dark brown cape that surrounded his otherwise pitch black tunic and black military-style knee high boots. His short white beard belied a maturity and wisdom that either concerned justice and good or a devotion to twisted reasoning. A humanoid of almost eighty years, with a weathered face once proud of striking handsome features, ensured a lifetime of experience in either field. For someone of such age, it surprised those who knew him when he displayed the energy and dexterity of one sixty years younger. These unnaturally heightened senses were what alerted him to the movement a few meters ahead of him, scrambling up the cliff towards his position. Within a short few seconds, the disturbance was revealed to be a small child.

“What are you doing here?â€

[Fun-We]

Nice Work. I am interested in reading more.

[Tyranus_pff]

Nice Work. I am interested in reading more.

I recognise that name...!

 

Thanks for the praise, by the way.

[Ismael]

Tyranus welcome to our forums

 

A very cool story ! Now Stelar Magic has finally some excelent competition

[Tyranus_pff]

Tyranus welcome to our forums

 

A very cool story ! Now Stelar Magic has finally some excelent competition

Well, I don't know about competition. I'm hardly out to crush all who write Star Wars fan fiction... far from it. I encourage the expansion of the universe.

 

Having said that, I do have the first chapter... if you're interested...!

[Allec_Maddas]

Hey I know that I am interested in you story.

[Stellar_Magic]

Finally someone else has dropped a Fanfic on the forum.

[Cain]

Tyranus great to have you here Nice story btw. We don't have a competition here probably Ismael was refering to the fact that SM was all alone here.

 

 

I look foward to read the hole story. (*Your avatar seems to have a problem- or is just my PC)

[Tyranus_pff]

No offence, Cain, but my avatar is working perfectly for me, so it must be your computer! You should have a small image of Count Dooku's head, taken from the Dark Side promotional posters for Episode II.

 

I'll swing by later and post some of the first chapter up. Thanks all for your interest, it's great having some people that are available for feedback! I once wrote a fan fiction for James Bond and had some great feedback from people on James Bond forums. Hope you enjoy reading my work!

 

As for that damned competition... joke!

[Darkmark]

I can't see your avatar either. I just get the no pic symbol.

 

Ok, I read it all through. It's not bad, there are a couple of things that bug me, but overall pretty good. Before I begin, bear in mind first I'm 3rd year at university studying 'English and American Literature with Creative Writing', so if I offer criticism it doesn't mean it's bad, it' just means i'm being honest and trying help you to make it better.

 

 

You do a thing I used to about 3 years or so ago, which is to elongate your sentences when shorter ones are much more poignant. Basically the best form of writing mixes the sizes of sentences, so a few longer sentences will be best followed by a short punchy one. It helps keep attention.

 

Show, don't tell. In one or two places it felt like you were controling the piece too much. By showing, the reader is able to form their own picture of the events, as opposed to being told how every little event was.

 

Occasionally you would have something which wouldn't necessary be explained, or connected well to the prior sentences. I'll give an example: "The face was a total picture of fear." What face? I can guess whose, but it's one of those connections which would work better with 'His' in place of 'The'

 

As narrator, try to avoid colloquialism and informal language. Also, try not to contradict yourself. It's ok if you're going for an oxymoron, but one sentence contradicting the one right before it just doesn't usually work.

 

I like the way you handle speech throughout the piece. You manage to do this very well, and it helps. There is only one instance I would change, but that's just me being picky. Overall, this is by far the best element of your style, and really makes a difference to the characters.

 

I enjoyed the first paragraph after the initial Star Wars part, basically the first two papagraphs of the prologue (Usual typed format is double spaced paragrahs, as opposed to single). I like these first two because it does help explain the setting, and at the same time retains a very artistic feel about it. You also manage to get in at least one of those punchy sentences I mentioned which make all the difference.

 

 

What else can I say. I enjoyed it, and in the end that is the most important thing. Aquiring a reader's attention early in a piece is vital, and it does that. Don't take my negative criticism too strongly, because there are many, many good points that offset it. I'd really like to read more when you get around to it.

[Tyranus_pff]

Hey, look, I respect your criticism Danmark! You're obviously much more clued up on creative writing... I only do this as a hobby! I've never had a creative writing lesson in my life. No, politics is my arena. This is my escapism.

 

I can't deny such a demand for more, though. Trawl through the first chapter and tell me what you think:

 

Chapter One:

The Guardians of Peace and Justice

 

“My only conclusion can be that it was a Sith Lord.â€

[Darkmark]

I only used to do it as a hobby. I was very good at History and Maths, believe it or not, but enjoyed writing so much I decided to go for one of my slightly weaker subjects. I hadn't had a single creative writing lesson either until 12 months ago, so the things I mention are mainly just things I've learnt from criticism of my own writing.

 

I like the way this is going, as you really get into your stride. It is considerably better than the prologue. So much so, there isn't much criticism I can give. But I'll try.

 

A much better balance of sentence sizes. I don't know if you notice it or not, but the whole piece flows much more easily than the prologue, despite being switching between different characters and locations.

 

Again, great with the way you handle speech. Might want to consider using 'said' a little more. It sounds very basic and like it won't work, but as long as you vary it like you are now it can fit much better than some of the elongated pieces you use instead. I'll give an examle:

 

“I agree.â€

[Tyranus_pff]

Your points are fair, Danmark (by the way, remind me later and we'll talk Trek, I love that too... and I assume you do, from your avatar of Balok's puppet). Could you just clarify one thing for me, though: highlight the examples where I "tell" instead of "show" so that I can avoid controlling the piece too much?

 

I've mapped out the story almost half-way now in notes and the suchlike. The Tatooine situation will be over in the first four, maybe five if I push it, chapters. However, there's enough to link it and continue the story quite nicely to the main focus of the piece, the resurgence of the Sith Lords. The twist is to do with the character of Darga the Hutt... more on that later... just think of this early conflict on Tatooine as the beginning of Return of the Jedi: an excuse for an opening action sequence, but with purpose.

[Darkmark]

Ah yes. I'm a general Sci-Fi fan, but the 6:00 viewings here of Star Trek TOS and TNG when I was little are responsible for it, hence it seemed natural for the avatar.

 

Anwyay. Showing usually comes naturally and occurs most of the time, so if I was to show pieces I'd be quoteing most of the piece. Telling is also natural, but can be an issue if it stands out too much. The two instances of telling in the last piece that caught my eye were:

 

"...motioning for his ex-apprentice to follow him away from the review chamber and into the grand hallway of the Jedi Archives"

 

You show the motion, but there's a great deal of telling as to what it means. The motion itself is the important bit, so it becomes more important to describe the movement than the reason behind it. Admittedly this isn't that big, but for some reason it did catch my attention.

 

 

"...away from the eyes of the Jedi and the Senate. Well, they were about to get a big surprise. "

 

It's the way you explain there will be a surprise. Foreboding can work well, but the whole idea of surprise is to build suspense and then release at it's peak, or induce the feeling that things start to happen very quickly. Instead of saying this, you'd simply have to build up a little before the event happens, or introduce a more vague form of forboding at this point.

 

 

The thing about showing over telling is that it isn't usually a bad thing unless it is starkly noticable. I'm pretty sure these things wouldn't have been too distracting to most people, as it only becomes prominent when dealing with lots of events happening. The thing is a certain amount of telling is always going to happen even in the best of pieces, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. I know I still do it, but that's what 2nd, 3rd drafts are for, to cut it down as much as possible. Hope that helps.

[Fun-We]

As I said back on MI6 it is a great story. I might post a bit of mine soon. (I'm kind of nervous about how everyone will take it, but I would be looking forward to Darkmark's great criticism/points) Keep up the great work Tyranus (I keep on thinking Rouge Agent )

[Stellar_Magic]

I'm amused, his intro smashes the entire chronology resulting from the New Jedi Order series. The writing however is hard to follow, mostly due to his lack of spacing between paragraphs.

[Fun-We]

I don't think he has read the New Jedi Order series (neither have I). But rather spoilers and information on websites. Also note he has said Generations of peace, he never said that ever since the Jedi Order was reformed there has been peace or ever since RotJ there has been peace. The number of Generations is not mentioned and that could mean that as many from 2 generations up. I believe he has written that the last Jedi to have ever seen combat died RECENTLY. This does not mess with the chronology of the NJO to my knowledge as it implies that violence ended around 3-5 generations ago.

[Tyranus_pff]

Hey Fun-We (you know, I just tried to log in here as The Rogue Agent... confusing indeed), hey Stellar_Magic.

 

Fun-We is right: I haven't ever read any of the Expanded Universe after Return of the Jedi! I'm not a big Expanded Universe fan myself (and here I am trying to write some), but what I've done, like Fun-We said, is try and place my story so far in the future that anything that is written about now does not matter. Five hundred years is a long time! I was going to go for a thousand, but that's a little too extreme and my Sith Lords in this story do things differently from the old order of Sith Lords... and they waited for a thousand years, so I couldn't really justify a difference that well by drawing similarities, could I?

 

I am doing lots of research on the Expanded Universe, including the New Jedi Order series, that I can mention briefly in passing to try and get some kind of continuity... but really, I'm only going to mention things like this for a little while to get the readers solidified in my new Star Wars universe. After that, it's all new stuff but with lightsabers and Force powers and worlds we've all heard of before.

 

Thanks to Danmark for that little lesson in creative writing! I'm going to continue with chapter two later today and I will definately try and take into account what you've said. I just find stuff flows when I know where I want to go with a story, and sometimes in an effort to make it sound like good fiction I go over-the-top with the description and long sentences. Well, Remiis and Quango are about to land on Tatooine and attempt to tackle the situation with Darga the Hutt and his slaves, so I've got plenty to write about without the need to "drag it out" with telling!

 

Thanks to all for taking the time to read this and give your thoughts. As soon as chapter two is finished, I'll post it up.

[Stellar_Magic]

Well I posted that because you said New Republic, unfortunately at the end of the NJO the New Republic ceases to exist and is replaced by the Galactic Federation of Free Alliances as the most powerful goverment in the galaxy. Basically it gave the New Republic a Federalism and seperation of powers.

[Tyranus_pff]

Really? Oh damn...

[Cain]

You guys really seem like a writters cast - you speak the same language

 

I look foward to se some new stories about EAW Before their time of course - that will be cool - you guys have the previewsand screenshots for inspiration ...

[Foshjedi2004]

Plus Darth Tyranus was killed in EP 3!!! No two Dark Lords have the same name!!!

[Ghostly_Substance]

Tryanus wannabie ? A droid that was made to look like Tyranus ?

[Fun-We]

The old man smiled to himself. He remembered when he was that young, when his own father sat him down and told him tales of an epic battle in which his great-great-great grandfather had fought and filled him with heady ambitions to be just as powerful, just as successful and just as glorious.

 

I believe you will find that that long deceased relative who fought the epic battle was Count Dooku of Sereno. This Tyranus probably modelled himself after his great-great-great grandfather and because he had reinvented the Sith Order, took on new rules roughly modelled after the old order and because he modelled himself after Dooku took on the name Tyranus. Thus it all seems to make some sense.

[Tyranus_pff]

The old man smiled to himself. He remembered when he was that young, when his own father sat him down and told him tales of an epic battle in which his great-great-great grandfather had fought and filled him with heady ambitions to be just as powerful, just as successful and just as glorious.

 

I believe you will find that that long deceased relative who fought the epic battle was Count Dooku of Sereno. This Tyranus probably modelled himself after his great-great-great grandfather and because he had reinvented the Sith Order, took on new rules roughly modelled after the old order and because he modelled himself after Dooku took on the name Tyranus. Thus it all seems to make some sense.

Very good... except that Darth Tyranus (my one) is not the new leader of the new Sith Order. He and Darth Haress are merely two cogs in a much larger machine.

 

But yes, my Darth Tyranus is a distant descendent of Count Dooku of Seranno, and admires his great-great-great grandfather to extremes, so much so that he models himself exactly on the records of Dooku. It's just an excuse for a Dooku fanboy like myself to bring back his favourite character in some fashion...!