Abbott and Costello

[DarthTofu]

Just to be an ass I figured I'd post this and get the old geezers angry at me for posting something which is before my time and yet still funny! So here it is: Abott and Costello reguarding computers in 2005 as per the E-mail that my father sent me:

 

You (sort of!) have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand

computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please

read on... for those who don't, you are too young anyway. If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this:

 

 

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

 

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

 

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

 

ABBOTT: Mac?

 

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

 

ABBOTT: Your computer?

 

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one

 

ABBOTT: Mac?

 

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

 

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

 

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

 

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

 

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

 

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

 

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

 

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

 

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my

business. What do you have?

 

ABBOTT: Office.

 

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office can you recommend anything?

 

ABBOTT: I just did.

 

COSTELLO: You just did what?

 

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

 

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

 

 

 

ABBOTT: Yes.

 

COSTELLO: For my office?

 

ABBOTT: Yes.

 

COSTELYLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

 

ABBOTT: Office.

 

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

 

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

 

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want

to type a proposal. What do I need?

 

ABBOTT: Word.

 

COSTELLO: What word?

 

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

 

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

 

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

 

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

 

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

 

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget

that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

 

ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.

 

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I

need!

 

ABBOTT: Real One.

 

COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can I watch them?

 

ABBOTT: Of course.

 

COSTELLO: Great! With what?

 

ABBOTT: Real One.

 

COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

 

ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".

 

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

 

ABBOTT: The blue "1".

 

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

 

ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.

 

COSTELLO: What word?

 

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

 

COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!

 

ABBOTT: No, just one But it's the most popular Word in the world.

 

COSTELLO: It is?

 

ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other

Words out there.

 

COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

 

ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.

 

COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track

my money with?

 

ABBOTT: Money.

 

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

 

ABBOTT: Money.

 

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

 

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

 

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

 

ABBOTT: Money

 

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

 

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

 

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

 

ABBOTT: One copy.

 

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

 

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

 

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

 

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT! (A few days later)

 

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

 

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

 

ABBOTT: Click on "START"....

 

W/ Appologies to whatever empolyee at the Orlando International Airport came up with that

[Darth_Rob]

That was classic.

[CommanderDevers]

That is funny. It's true that almost all of windows based programs have one word names, like Word, Works, Excell, Office and the like.

[Mad78]

Very clever. I have a french version of that which is just as funny. I will try and translate it this weekend.

[DarthTofu]

  CommanderDevers said:

That is funny. It's true that almost all of windows based programs have one word names, like Word, Works, Excell, Office and the like.

 

Yeah, "MIcrosoft Works" Always seemed a little bit oxymoronic to me...

[Paul]

You don't have to be really old to remember those guys. When I was a kid they played their shows for kids all the time.-Grand Moff Conway

[PsychoInfiltrator]

Nice.

 

Anybody know where to get a good audio of Who's On First? I've got a decent copy, but when it was recorded the guy doign it was fiddling with the volume, so either I have to turn the whole thing down, and only hear the firstpart, or lose my hearing after listenng to the first part in order to hear the rest of it, or manually operate the volume control everytime it repeats for hours on end.

 

(One day I was doing a major project and those around me couldn't figure out why I was laughing almost continually for hours on end...Good ol' Abbot and Costello!)

[DarthTofu]

  PsychoInfiltrator said:

Nice.

 

Anybody know where to get a good audio of Who's On First? I've got a decent copy, but when it was recorded the guy doign it was fiddling with the volume, so either I have to turn the whole thing down, and only hear the firstpart, or lose my hearing after listenng to the first part in order to hear the rest of it, or manually operate the volume control everytime it repeats for hours on end.

 

(One day I was doing a major project and those around me couldn't figure out why I was laughing almost continually for hours on end...Good ol' Abbot and Costello!)

 

Psych! You're back! Where ya been for the last two or three months? Good to have you back at any rate- I would check http://www. Stupidvideos.com for something like that- might not find it, but I think that you should be able to. As a matter of fact I don't know if you can find it- third base! (Breaks down laughing and pounding floor at own joke before smashing fist open and spewing blood all over keyboard which promptly electrocutes him. Hrgerkergerk)

[PsychoInfiltrator]

I haven't been gone for the last two or three months! I've been active at the Religion thread, Rebellion Reloaded, Cards, ... You must be joking.

[Mitth_raw_nuruodo]

I ;isten to Abbot and Costello often, and I'm only 20. I loved your modern day rendition of it.

[Mitth_raw_nuruodo]

Listen* sorry

[DarthTofu]

Instead of double posting to correct typos just hit "edit". Works much better and doesn't make it look like your spamming (I'm not accussing you of spamming, just saying that you want to use edit rather than a double post)

[Mitth_raw_nuruodo]

Fair enough...will keep that in mind the next time my fingers work faster than my brain.