My story

[bobandrubert]

Wirting so non star wras sci fi. Tell me what u think:

 

January 1, 2466, EloicoIV

 

Today’s my birthday. Some birthday. It was 11:00 Standard Earth time when my platoon was called into action. A normal ritual. They send us in to stall ground forces of “themâ€

[DarthTofu]

Pretty good, though really, really short. And I think you messed up your character's name- is his last name Michela Or Michaels?

[Grand_Admiral_Thrawn]

I agree it's a little short. You might also want to have someone check it for grammer, there are a few mistakes. hould be interetesting to read!

[bobandrubert]

lmao not my story just the epilog. Ya i got some grammer mistakes but i will get around to them. Here is another PART of the first chapter:

 

January 1, 2466, In the Eloico System before extraction on board the Imperial’s Crusade

 

“Contact! Contact!â€

[DarthTofu]

Are you using word perfect? Because that program's spell check can be very annoying. (You had several words in the wrong place, such as 'steal' being used as a building material) Also, a bit of grammatical advice- it's always a new paragraph when someone different is speaking. Sorry, but I always say that when someone fails to use paragraph format for a large quantity of text (If I show up at your house and strangle you, its nothing personal). Next up, you had a bit of repetition that you don't want. Things like " As Kreshonion battle group turned to face them anti missile batteries launched on all of the Kreshonion ships." Replace the second "Kreshonion" with alien, maybe, and you can eliminate that which repeats itself. Just some pointers on better writing styles. Otherwise, I liked how you introduced a character early in the story, making us expect them to be a main character who would go on to live, because they're a main character, and 'woo look at me, I'm always in danger, but I live each and every time!' I liked that you just killed them all. Death and violence- always good in a story!

[bobandrubert]

Thanks for the advise I will look in on it.

[Paul]

Except for spelling and grammatical errors, it is a cool story. Tofu, I believe the alien ship broke in two not the human ship.-Grand Moff Conway

[DarthTofu]

Oops. My bad, there... Still, I'll have to remember that accidental flash of realisation. I've always wanted to read a book or something where I main character dies in the middle of the story... The beginning works to, but not if its in a trilogy. THen its painfully obvious when someone "Disapears" at the beginning of the book. "Gee, i wonder if they'll come back!" You automatically know that they'll be a conviently arriving good guy, or an increadibally powerful bad guy (More so the latter than the former). Still, good story all the same.